As you know, I cowing love my hard news, so thought I'd start peddling some of my best stories on here, check out this unbelievable exclusive, delighted the Findus PR bloke gave me the quote I wanted!

A SPONGE Bob Square Pants children’s party in the Black Country has been saved after Findus confirmed their fish fingers did not contain traces of seahorses.

Continental lorry driver Craig Allerby bought a job lot of fish fingers from France last week but after the horsemeat scandal was petrified they were dangerous.

The 43-year-old dad of four said: "We love fish fingers in our house so I thought I’d hit the jackpot for the kids party getting a load of cheap fishfingers from France.

“On the ferry a French lorry driver told me that Findus products in France contained sea horses and I have been paranoid ever since.

“Then I got back and all I’ve heard about is Findus horse lasagne so I figured if they can do that they’d probably put seahorses in their fish fingers.”

Last Friday Sandwell Council put out an emergency warning concerning shopkeepers who had not removed Findus beef lasagne after it emerged they contained 100 per cent equine meat.

Mr Allerby added: “I'm terrified of feeding my child and their friends anything containing seahorses and I wanted clarity before I poison half of Cradley Heath with non approved fish fingers.“

He added: “Needless to say you can not have a proper Sponge Bob Square Pants kids party without fishfinger sandwhiches.”

Despite fielding countless calls about the horse lasagne scandal Findus still took time to put Mr Allerby’s mind at rest.

A spokesman for Findus Foods said: "We do not sell fishfingers in the UK but I can confirm there have been no instances of seahorses in any of our products.”

Sandwell MP Tom Watson believes Mr Allerby’s worries are symptomatic of when a scare occurs about the food chain.

He said: “The whole scandal is an example of how these predatory multinationals buy up smaller companies so when a scandal like this happens it is no surprise consumers jump to conculsions about what they have been eating.”